Ok... LADIES! LADIES! LADIES!
...this is the read that can change your life. Ready to hear all the true, real, unapologizing details???

Well, here we go.

BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS!
This Just In...
As Reported By James Davis of Memphis Live! Entertainment

HOW & WHERE TO FIND A “GOOD” MAN...

Let's start with this statement ? “Some bad men will be at church and some good men do fall thru the clubs”.

WOW! With that being said, well what are you saying James? I'm simply answering the question that SO-O-O Many Women ask “where do you find a good man”?
That million dollar answer to the question... comes in 1 word – EVERYWHERE!

Yes ladies... sorry to report it, but there's no such city as Goodmanville, TN or Las Gentlemen, VA. They really are everywhere. The reason ladies that you have a hard time, I'm sorry – I mean a bit of a challenge is that you are just going about it wrong. Not all the time, but most of the time. Before we get too far into this, if there's something here you disagree with or have a hard time swallowing - don't take it personal, but try and be open to this life-changing information. May I proceed? Why thank you!

What Is A Good Man?
You can't know where to go or where to be, if you don't know what your looking for. Erica (from Facebook, no last name needed) mentioned these things as the impossible bar of standards ? the impossible bar of standards. MBA, BMW, 6-pk, reads Toni Morrison books, avid cuddler, that wants to go to North Carolina and visit antique row, that prefers to see a play rather than an NBA game. So that means, if she met a guy with Grizzlies season tickets floor seats... then he probably not going to be a good fit. You 1st must define what a good man is to you... AND not based on your girlfriends choices or input... AND not based on mother's opinion, older brothers AND even reverend so-and-so. DECIDE FOR YOURSELF! Also, be honest about your interests and specifics!!! If you like a man that reads like this medium build, between 5'7” and 6' tall, at least some college, working a comparable job or better, spiritual, bald head, nice car, owns his own home or residence, nice smile, good teeth, well groomed, very articulate, sexy, good conversationalist (check and see if that is a real word – it got thru spell check), physically active, nice voice, fun, caring, attentive, progressive, likes similar music, well traveled, can accept & appreciate differences in likes and opinions, a Democrat, outgoing personality, sexual, great kisser, independent, vulnerable, nice size feet (“the myth”), good credit (or at least working on credit repair), able to read minds.... yada-yada-yada. By now you should get the picture. All I'm saying is whatever it is that you want and/or need in a man – OWN UP TO IT! Don't be afraid to desire what you need. Don't listen to other people. Don't be expecting to do a “lot” of grooming. God made the “him” that he is and YOU are not add-on sculpture. I see a lot of women who don't know what they really use as a basis for determining their “good man”. Not after you determine the “requirements or expectations”, go a step further and rank them. BE HONEST! Let's keep it real! If you like a tall man, I mean just love for your man to be tall, then if the guy you meet has all 138 of the line items you like, but he's not tall – then Houston we have a problem! You can't grow him. If the man you meet has never been beyond West Memphis or Collierville, nor has a desire to do so... AND you're looking and wanting to visit Japan, Australia or the like... AND he can't understand why you “need” to want to go there, then you also have a problem. The reason so many relationships do not work is because we're afraid to be honest with ourselves. If we know what we TRULY like and how important that is, bump what others may think as how shallow it appears to be. I am going to want to get your comments and/or feedback on this entire article... especially this question. How many ladies have broken up with a guy or wanted to break up with a guy because the “sex” was “bad” or “decent at best”? ..(stop laughing while you're thinking about ol boy). You knew that if you told someone – a friend, family member, etc - that this great guy, who had it all together, was about to get the ax because his motion of the ocean was flowing well (after you even added your own little sea water – that didn't help), that they would think you were crazy. They would say “girl it ain't even about that”, “sex gets old”, “but he takes care of his business” and other statements that would make you feel shallow. So you stay there or press on and land on contentment island. I said all that to say “know exactly what you want and don't let anyone tell you what should or should not matter to you.

Where To Find A Good Man?
This is the part that has the most misconceptions associated with this topic. Like I said above... they're EVERYWHERE! They all didn't get loaded up on some bus 10 years ago, in the middle of the night and then shipped off to Dallas, Chicago, Atlanta (definitely not Atlanta) or other city besides Memphis. They are practically everywhere. A good man can be found at the library, the hot wings restaurant, the bowling alley, the flea market, Cricket on Union, Wal-Mart (even the kids dept.), Beale St., church, Wendy's drive thru, the club (any of them – any day of the week), Stonebridge golf course, Incredible Pizza, Silver Spoon at lunch, the art gallery, Gary Burlap's wine tasting event next month (shout out to Gary, going a great job with that), Hair Deva's natural hair salon on Park Ave., concerts and shows, Cartridge World on Poplar (where I buy all my ink refills), the barbershop, the gym (even French Riviera meat market), Dr. Payne's dentist office (either of the 2 locations), L.R. Clothier new location (check the site Thursday for details – www.lrclothier.com) and even the strip club. The strip club??? Yep. In a nutshell, is there some unstated rule, that if you're a good man – then you're not allowed to go certain places. Don't men all do the same thing (to a certain degree). For example, I have a friend (that's a real good guy – a good man by most rankings), he goes to church (very active as a matter of fact), he stays well-groomed, works out 3 – 4 times a week, no kids, likes art, not really a drinker (seen him drink 1 beer in the 15 years I've known him) and he will still roll out to a club or party. When you see him there, he's in full party mode. Hell, he'll even kick it in a group at a strip club. So if you saw him at Zodiacs, doing it BIG, does that mean he's not a good man all of a sudden? NO! This one is going to be really odd. I have another friend (well more of an associate) that met his now wife at 201 Poplar – yeah, the same address for the Memphis jail. They were both down there (not in jail), but in court for tickets or something and just happened to be in line near each other. He unknowingly dropped a piece of paper, she kindly picked it up and then gave it to him. That conversation sparked what is now a 3 year marriage. Some things like that do happen at random, but it's more likely that you will be able to connect with a person that fits your interest at a place that's common to the both of you. Another example, if you really like a man that's into culture, the arts, etc – then go to those places yourself. Every guy that attends those type of events will not be on a date... nor do they have to be taken. If you like a guy that's physically inclined, then go for walks at the park, go to the gym, check out Saturday mornings at Shelby Farms. Don't be hanging out on the potato chip isle at Kroger on the regular. Still, that doesn't even dictate that he is not into working out (unless he can't see his shoes while standing up). Let's talk chuch (the “r” intentionally omitted). Just because a guy is attending church on the regular doesn't mean he's a good man “for you”. He can even be the pastor or a minister, yet still NOT be a good man for you. However, if being a strong part of a religious organization is important to you, then you have a good chance of finding him in there. Ladies – have you ever been in line paying a bill or at the service station pumping this high ass gas at almost $3 a gallon and you know – oops, got carried away... but have you been getting gas and noticed that guy, who you thought “I wonder if that's him – the good man found at an unsuspecting spot” dude. I hear women say a lot you ain't gonna find no good man in no club”. Oh here ? ! (because most times they say it rather strongly). A man in a club is not an absolute to him being kicked off the “potentially good man” list. I mean – why should that be the case. So he can't be a guy that enjoys a good time, a nice glass or wine or martini on the regular and enjoys music while getting his groove on? I mean, come on – think that thru. I do understand though – they may not be in abundance there, but you're not wanting a group (are you), you would like to have some viable options. WAIT! Are doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs, businessmen, executives and others that society says are a good catch – I mean, are they not allowed to party (BIG Shout Out to Ms. Bettye Boone – 60 and still get her party on! Great event this past Saturday). 2 guys go to see Alvin Ailey Dance Theatre, doesn't mean 1 of them is gay. Stop putting that jacket on every guy you see, then leaving it up to them to have reason for you to remove it. Stop watching so much tv. Suspect? Maybe. Still, don't rush to judgment. True story... Once (years ago), I met a woman while I was leaving out of South Central Bell on Madison (you guys remember – it's closed now though), while she was pulling in to the drive. She stated while passing “guess I should have gotten here early like you did”. There wasn't a line, so I took at as though she was possibly flirting. I pulled out on to Madison, made a u-turn, got the number, we did lunch the next day... and kicked it for several months (like 4 or 5 – voice was too whiny). Don't be scared to be the 1st person to say something. I know the whole southern womanly thing, but also like they say “closed mouth don't get fed”. Know what kind of man you want & like... then go where the action is. So now, don't you see, that a good man can be found anywhere AND everywhere.

How To Know If He Is A Good Man For You?
Ladies... this is where you don't just “drop the ball”, this area is where you slam it down! The way to tell if he is a “good man”, well that takes a little time. Here are the 2 main principles – (1) ask good questions (2) pay good attention to even the minor details. Huh? Yeah, read them again if you need to. When we go for a job, the most important part is what – the interview. The potential employer wants to ask good questions to see if you would be a good fit as an employee. They ask actual present perspectives, they ask about your past, they ask hypothetical (check that word existence for me- I'm not quite sure) ...hell,they even ask the same question twice in a different way – just to see if you're going to have the same answer. You have to do the same thing when expecting that you might be interacting with a “good man for you” candidate. For example, “he” has had 4 relationships in the past 2 years AND all of them ended up in similar fashion. Think like a job employer. Forget ONLY asking what happened... have that next level of communication. Ask what does “he” think “he” could have done differently or better in those situations. Get your “good man” candidate to talk more. The more a person talks, the more you normally can learn. You have to find a way to try and bypass the “let my representative meet your representative approach”. When you first begin interacting with your “good man” candidate, don't do the dinner and/or movie thing. You should do something simple and yet leads to more collective conversation. Learn to ask good questions – those questions that require more than a “yes” or “no”. For example, try this one - “if you had to rank the top 3 qualities of a woman that are most important to you, what would they be and why”. Dang! ...that's kind of deep, right? Yep! ...and very much necessary. You have to be able to get below the surface stuff with your “good man” candidate. Most women DON'T want to know about a guy's past relationships. Why is that? CRAZY! You should want to know. Not the intricate details, but things like – what did they look like, what about them did he really like or dislike. Say you find out that they all were very much “not” independent, then here you are just the opposite. Hmmm... raise an eyebrow. Let's say they were all more on the short side and here you are 5' 11”. Hmmm... raise an eyebrow. You have to develop an overall sense of things when researching your “good man” candidate. Yes, I did say research. They tell you to order a Carfax Report when buying a used vehicle. I say verbally do the same thing with your candidate. If you know you like your man to take car of your car, keeping it wash, detailed, etc. - have you taken time to see if he keeps his clean. If he doesn't... Hmmm... raise an eyebrow. This doesn't mean he gets voted off your island, it's just one of the details to make mention of in your research report. Does your “good man” candidate give honest compliments to other women, is he very much a gentleman overall? Why does this matter? There could be a fine line in what you feel could be disrespectful. These are the small details that could be important.

They say that opposites attract, but that normally only works WELL with magnates. You must have some common likes. The more you communicate, ask questions, share truth – the better chance you have at hiring your “good man” candidate full time.

In a nutshell, just like you should know what you want in a “good man”, in order for all this to work, you should also know what it is that “he” sees as a “good woman”. Maybe, just maybe it ain't you.

Feel free to email me your responses, questions, comments to jrdavis101@hotmail.com

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